Just don't suppress it

Anger is allowed!

Being angry is allowed, yelling or even hitting is of course not!

(Bild: stock.adobe.com/NIKOLAS HOFFMANN)

Who hasn't felt ashamed afterwards because they were angry? Anger is allowed, but it depends on how you let it out. A doctor, life coach and meditation trainer from Vienna explains what you should pay attention to and what happens if you suppress your anger.

"In evolutionary terms, it was important to show anger," explains Dr. Nidal Moughrabi, doctor, life coach and meditation trainer from Vienna. "In prehistoric times, it was mainly used to prevent a turf war by 'showing teeth' as a defensive measure."

Expressing emotions is human and normal
It is now clear that the genetic program should still be allowed today. But it must be said straight away: Yelling at someone or even hitting them is of course not okay! It's better to talk openly about the reasons in private ("I'm upset because..."). Punching a cushion often helps just as well.

Outside of your own four walls, weigh up what is appropriate and what is not: sometimes you have to put your anger on the back burner in the short term, e.g. during a police check, or only show it in moderation, such as in front of your boss (e.g. "That makes me angry now...").

Tipps für Autofahrer

Wut im Straßenverkehr

Wer kennt das nicht? Es hat Ihnen jemand den Vogel gezeigt oder die Vorfahrt genommen? Sie sind stinkwütend. Der Experte rät zu Folgendem:

• Bleiben Sie mit dem Auto an einem geeigneten Platz stehen, brüllen oder schimpfen Sie 10-20 Sekunden (wenn Sie sonst keiner hört). Dabei aber nicht mit dem gegnerischen Lenker kommunizieren!

• Oder/und 2- bis 3-mal bewusst sehr tief ausatmen, ums Einatmen kümmert sich der Körper selbst.

How do we learn the right or recognize the wrong way to deal with anger? "Many of my patients say that as angry children they were often sent to their room with the words 'Come back when you're normal again'. In this way, they have wrongly learned that it is not normal to be angry," reports Dr. Moughrabi. "The child then thinks it's wrong, i.e. not normal - which is not true at all; rather, this approach is a brutal instrument of power."

What would be the right reaction from parents?
"They should never shout, but give the child the feeling that they are loved despite their anger. However, the mother and father can still show when they are not in a good mood because of this, along the lines of: 'You're annoyed, I'm annoyed too'. This teaches children that both they and their parents are allowed to show this emotion." Of course, this is sometimes a balancing act, the expert admits. A conciliatory end to the argument would be: "We both calm down again now."

Always swallowing your own anger makes you ill in the long run. Above all, it can lead to depression.

Dr. Nidal Moughrabi, Arzt, Life-Coach und Meditationstrainer aus Wien

Bild: Moughrabi

If you always swallow your anger - what happens then? "It makes you ill in the long run. Above all, it threatens depression. According to a Swedish study, employees who chronically suppress their anger get heart attacks twice as often as those who let it out," explains the meditation trainer. "And at some point, sometimes years later, the frustration bursts out with a vengeance in a completely different situation."

Getting rid of such pent-up anger permanently is a lengthy process. As many people are ashamed to see a psychotherapist or talk about it in a group, Dr. Moughrabi has developed an "anger coaching" video course (information on his website), which those affected can use to work on themselves anonymously and at any time.