Viennese funeral:

Accompanied mourning helps against excessive demands

A Viennese funeral home now wants to make funerals more personal and support relatives between death and burial (symbolic image).

(Bild: stock.adobe.com)

Relatives often perceive traditional funerals of the deceased as impersonal and stressful - something that Ulrike Friedl and Yvonno Leeb want to change with their new project "Tamo Bestattungen". krone.at asked the two undertakers what this is all about and what helps mourners.

"We met at work and were both interested in opening an alternative funeral home in Vienna," says Yvonno Leeb. "Tamo" has been around since the beginning of May and focuses on accompanying loved ones between the death and the funeral. "We talk about funeral services. When I pick up the phone, I really do come to collect (the deceased, note)," explains Leeb. The aim is to take away the hectic pace and create a setting for a peaceful farewell.

From the left: Yvonno Leeb and Ulrike Friedl from "Tamo Bestattungen"

(Bild: Carolina Frank)

Funeral as care work
How further support is provided until the funeral depends on the loved ones. This can include rituals, the organization of a priest for a funeral or even a concert or eulogy.

In addition, "Tamo Bestattungen" also organizes documents such as the death certificate, helps with contacting insurance companies and with deregistrations. Such organizational matters can be overwhelming and annoying during the grieving phase. "However, we don't take on everything, but rather ensure that people are able to achieve self-efficacy. We see our work as care work," says Ulrike Friedl, who is a trained grief counselor and speechwriter.

Although people's needs are very different, they are all looking for something comforting. This could be small things such as beautiful flowers, a really fitting eulogy or sometimes even a last encounter with the deceased. Another important point: the deceased person - their character and life story - should be visible in the farewell. "Tamo Bestattungen" would like to encourage mourners to shape their own personal path.

"People also develop as a result"
 "Grief has many faces," says Ulrike Friedl. People can not only be thrown off course, but also develop as a result. This perspective is still rarely taken up in public debates. Overall, however, there is a trend today for grief to be more visible. The two agree that this is a good thing. They suggest more educational and public relations work, for example workshops for teaching staff, pupils and in workplaces. This could improve the situation for relatives in the event of a death and help to make it more normal to talk about death and grief.

Many people are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. However, it is completely wrong to avoid contact with mourners.

Yvonno Leeb, Bestattung Tamo

"Many people are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. But it is completely wrong to avoid contact with mourners," says Leeb. The recommendation is not to avoid those affected, to seek out conversation, perhaps spend time together and ask if support is needed. Even small things like shopping and cooking together can help. Anyone who is unsure can seek advice from others and ask the person concerned about their needs.