"Schneider's glasses"

So towards sunset

Thousands of flights were recently canceled due to a worldwide IT disruption.

(Bild: Getty Images)

Recently, a global IT malfunction caused gigantic chaos. "Krone columnist Robert Schneider was not caught up in the panic, however, and instead dreamed himself into a world as it was back then.

When I read the breaking news item "IT disruption paralyzes computers worldwide" on my news portal of choice some time ago, I couldn't help but gush. Now you would expect a sensible person to be immediately concerned, because in this small, round world, nothing works without networking and a constant online presence. What do I cook in the Thermomix when the app no longer shows me the shopping list, but only an error code? How do I diffuse the aggression in the house when my boys' gaming servers are offline and will remain so for a long time?

So the highest alert level. Not so for me. Well, the first few weeks and months would be tough, and not just in terms of the discord in the family. I would soothe that by taking the boys out into the fresh air. Social detox in the forest. I don't know. Cutting down dry trees left over from the forest dieback in the early 80s. Wonderful tiredness in the evening. "Guys, the addiction is getting better every day."

But there are pubescent snots everywhere in this world. The worst are the ones who are grown up and have power. Of course, I can't go into the forest with them. They would immediately blame each other for the IT disaster and start wars. Nobody would notice because the war would only be digital. No more F16s would take to the air, and no drone would even find a satellite to position itself. We wanted war, but nobody went.

Basically, I imagine such an Internet collapse would be pleasant. You wouldn't have to read the Schneider column every Sunday either, because I can no longer email it to the editors. Less Schneider is actually more. I wrote a handwritten letter to my old friend Heinz, who I always meet on the first Monday of the month for a jour fixe: "Dear! Today this way: I'll meet you around sunset. Best regards!"