Happiness coach in conversation

How to lead an all-round fulfilled life

The good news: anyone can rediscover and strengthen their happiness in five steps.

(Bild: stock.adobe.com/NDABCREATIVITY)

Happiness is NOT a bird. Everyone can learn to be happy - even if well-being sometimes falls by the wayside in the course of life. The Austrian happiness coach and author Katharina Mühl had to find her own way to more joy in life in her youth.

"Healthier living": How can we activate our happiness skills?
Katharina Mühl: Happiness is an innate state that we experience every day in our early childhood by living in the moment and not worrying about the past or the future. In the course of life, beliefs, expectations and social pressure override this ability. To reactivate this skill, mindfulness is crucial: by focusing on the moment and becoming aware of what is already good.

Exercises such as a positive daily review or consciously perceiving moments of well-being help us to restart the "happiness program". This is not about achieving extreme highs, but about regularly experiencing positive emotions. Happiness can be trained like a skill by focusing on the positive and gradually shedding obstructive thought patterns.

What is the difference between feel-good happiness and value happiness?
Feel-good happiness refers to pleasant feelings and moments of pleasure that we experience through activities such as a good meal or a relaxing vacation. It is hedonistic happiness that makes life easy and joyful. Value happiness, on the other hand, arises when we use our strengths and values to achieve goals and do something meaningful, for example by volunteering or pursuing long-term projects. This eudaemonistic happiness is deeply satisfying and gives us the feeling that we are fulfilling our potential. Feel-good happiness provides immediate joy, while value happiness enables a fulfilled and meaningful life. Both types of happiness are important and ideally complement each other.

Authentic and completely happy: it's easy to take Katharina Mühl's word for it when she gives sound advice. After all, the Viennese has spent many years working on her own happiness. She lost all her hair due to an autoimmune disease.

(Bild: Cornelia Kucera)

Why do we find it so difficult to have positive feelings? Why do we tend to have negative thoughts in our heads far too often?
Our brains are evolutionarily programmed to perceive negative things more strongly, as this used to be essential for survival. Threats or dangers had to be recognized immediately, while pleasant experiences did not ensure survival. This dominance of negativity means that we notice negative feelings such as fear, worry or anger more quickly and remember them for longer. Positive feelings, on the other hand, are often as fleeting as soap bubbles and require conscious attention in order to be noticed. We therefore find it more difficult to experience and hold on to positive emotions, which can affect our life satisfaction.

Why are reflection and mindfulness important if we want to go through life happily? 
 Both are crucial to strengthening our happiness skills. Through self-observation, we recognize which thoughts and actions make us unhappy and how we can actively counteract them. Mindfulness helps us to live in the present moment and consciously perceive the positive instead of getting lost in thoughts about the past or future. These techniques create space for moments of happiness, increase our satisfaction and enable us to cope better with challenges. Regular reflection also promotes self-efficacy and gives us back control over our feelings.

How does excessive self-criticism arise and how can we put an end to it? 
 Self-criticism and perfectionism are known to inhibit feelings of happiness. Self-criticism is often caused by high social expectations or perfectionism, which make us believe that we are not good enough. The constant internal pressure prevents us from feeling happy and leads to a vicious circle of negative thoughts. To stop this, it is important to develop self-compassion. To treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. Through mindfulness and recognizing our own strengths, we can learn to judge ourselves less harshly and build a healthier self-image. Self-compassion and the courage to accept mistakes strengthen our well-being in the long term.

Buchempfehlung

„Glückskompetenz“

Glückscoachin Katharina Mühl sieht fast immer das Positive im Leben. Das war nicht immer so. Durch eine Autoimmunerkrankung hat sie alle ihre Haare verloren. „Meine Haarlosigkeit hatte lange über mein Leben & Glück bestimmt. Bis ich verstanden habe, dass ich meiner Situation nicht ausgeliefert bin und mein Glück beeinflussen kann.“ In ihrem neuen Buch „Glückskompetenz“ beschreibt die Wienerin, wie wir in 5 Schritten zu mehr Lebensfreude und Zufriedenheit finden. „Glückskompetenz“, Ecowin Verlag, ISBN: 978-3-7110-0336-2.

(Bild: Katharina Mühl/ecowing)

What tips do you have for fulfilling relationships?
Trust, communication and mutual appreciation are crucial. It helps to develop so-called love maps - to get to know each other really well, including each other's dreams, hopes and worries. Showing affection and maintaining admiration for each other creates a positive atmosphere. In conflicts: actively listen & seek compromises instead of avoiding arguments.

Many people report that they have to bend far too often at work. What advice would you give them? 
 If people at work feel they have to constantly adapt and ignore their values or strengths, this can make them unhappy in the long term. A possible compromise would be to specifically look for small areas in which they can remain authentic (projects in which their strengths come to the fore). Instead of focusing only on the negative aspects, they could try to rediscover the meaning in their work or focus on the positive aspects.

What if the feeling is long-term & your own values are continually undermined? 
 If you are unable to use your strengths, you could consider changing jobs or even resigning. It is important to realize which values are particularly close to your heart and which tasks are enjoyable. The job should offer space to develop your own potential - if this is not possible, a change can be the key to happiness in the long term.