Honest instead of perfect

“People long for real life”

We don't show everyone what we really feel inside. That is often reserved for our best friends.

(Bild: Marco - stock.adobe.com)

"I'm fine," we say to ourselves. "Really well", we tell others. The truth is often very different. Austrian bestselling author and podcaster Andrea Weidlich talks about her new book and why we often lie to ourselves.

"GesLeb": In your book "Es geht mir gut und andere Lügen", you talk about everyday cheating and self-deception. But doesn't it make it easier for us to deal with others if we don't have to explain ourselves all the time?

Andrea Weidlich: On the surface, yes. Because haven't we all been there? Someone asks us how we're doing and we automatically answer: "Fine!" We always have the answer to the other person's question ready, and that is: "I'm fine." Of course I'm fine. I can't be doing badly. But the truth sometimes looks very different because life is not perfect and we are not perfect and don't have to be. We can't always be well. But if we were to admit this to ourselves and others, the logical consequence would be that we would have to change something. And many people are afraid of that. This is absolutely human and understandable, but it also often prevents us from being happy.

Is our life on the outside more appearance than reality?
That can happen. And that's okay too, as long as we are aware of it. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case. We take everything that other people present to us on social media as the truth. But it's not always as brilliant as it seems on the outside. It is a small excerpt of reality. Then we might start to compare ourselves and feel bad. Some feel the pressure to show something beautiful. The urge is sometimes even stronger when we don't feel anything beautiful inside us. But then we forget that we are all just people with small and sometimes bigger worries and that we don't always shine as brightly as we show on the outside.

Your new publication is a fascinating adventure about the power of the unconscious. What can we reveal to readers? How would you describe the profound plot? 
 The unconscious is a great mystery to many. And yet it exerts an enormous power over us, driving us to make decisions that are beyond our understanding and that we often cannot explain. Everything we don't want to feel and therefore repress is hidden there. In the book, eight people embark on a journey to the sea to find out what is still holding them back so that they can step out of their shadows. They all carry a secret within them that slowly comes to the surface. A central question in the book is also: "What do I want?" This question seems too big for most of them, so there are a few other questions to answer first and to find out what fear has been holding them back from leaving the hamster wheel and diving into a sea of possibilities.

I am a very honest person and I think it is important to speak up at the right moment when the truth will help the majority. But I also think it is a virtue to remain silent when it hurts someone's feelings.

Podcasterin und Autorin Andrea Weidlich

Bild: © guschbaby.com

What is the essence of the experiences of these eight people on their journey to the Mediterranean?
These people are dealing with different things that they were previously unaware of. When things keep repeating themselves to us that we don't want, we sometimes think it's fate. However, they are often the consequence of many unconscious decisions that we have made in the past. Becoming aware of them and taking responsibility again is the first step towards change. Only when we find out why we act the way we do can we change anything. However, if we always push away the negative, it will eventually catch up with us in one way or another. Sometimes we first have to unlearn what we previously believed to be true and right in order to step out of our shadow. The goal should be to turn off the self-programmed autopilot and take back control.

You live in Vienna and your books have also landed on the bestseller list in Germany. Could it be because of your honesty? And the fact that we have had enough of this perfect world in which there is hardly any room for the real thing?
I think people are longing for real content again, a depiction of real life, so to speak. In my books, I try to tell stories about real life with lightness and humor on the one hand, but at the same time go into depth with topics that concern so many of us. I am very grateful that my books touch so many readers and move them. That's exactly what I write for.

A good face for a bad game. When it all gets too much, do you show and tell or continue to pretend that you can handle it all?

(Bild: stock.adobe.com/Krakenimages.com)

Have you ever tried the experiment of being completely with yourself every day? To answer every question honestly and do what you really want?
A few years ago, I got to the point where I turned everything upside down in order to dedicate myself to what I really want. I knew that I wanted to write full-time. This was some time before my first book was published. I went against all opinions and social norms and followed my heart's desire. Even if it actually seemed absurd to the outside world at the time. Since then, I've been doing exactly what I want. I'm also a very honest person and think it's important to say something at the right moment when the truth helps the majority. But I also think it's a virtue to remain silent if it hurts someone else's feelings and wouldn't help them either. I don't think it's possible to be completely yourself every day. We all have bad days, sometimes even bad phases. Good things don't always happen in life. The important thing is that we always find our way back to ourselves.

Andrea Weidlich encourages authenticity in her new book.

(Bild: mvg verlag)

Why do you think we get on this hamster wheel every day? Why does it take so much courage to be true to ourselves?
Because the bars of our hamster wheel also give us security. They are familiar to us and we consider our familiar surroundings to be unavoidable and therefore right. We tell ourselves that we should be happy with it, even if deep down we feel something completely different. The idea of changing something is frightening for many. It's easier to stay in the old life - but the fear of change is usually greater than anything the change will ultimately bring. What we should do then is take a closer look at the fear behind it.

"The struggle ends when you stop trying to convince others of your worth," you write. Why is it so important to us how we appear to the outside world?
It is a basic human need to feel that we belong - both in groups and in relationships. However, the need for connection and the feeling of being accepted sometimes leads us to overstep our own boundaries. The danger is then to always want to please everyone and ultimately perhaps lead a life that pleases everyone else, but no longer pleases ourselves.

Your first book was published in 2019. All of your books have one thing in common: they deal with the question of how people can develop their full potential. Have you already succeeded in doing this?
The question of what drives people and makes them happy or sometimes unhappy has always preoccupied me. What fulfills us and how we can change things for ourselves is a question that has been with me for a long time. Each of my books deals with a different topic, but it's always about people and what drives them. Life is a journey. And as I have already written in one of my books: We will miss this path when we reach our destination. So we should make the most of it.

What is your next project?
My next book. I have so many ideas for books in my head that I probably won't be able to realize them all. My head plays new images and ideas in my head every day. It's like turning on my favorite series and seeing what happens next. I love researching for a long time, having conversations, linking them to my ideas and putting them down on paper. And above all, I love the fact that so many people find themselves in it and want to read on. No sooner have I published one book than I get requests for another. I think people feel all the emotions that I put into every book. For me, it's a gift that we all feel so much joy in the process. Because what others feel when they read, I feel myself when I write.