Psychology

Happy high – a quick way to more self-confidence

"Happy high status" - a state in which we recognize ourselves as important and valuable.

(Bild: stock.adobe.com/ndrbusco)

Some people overcome difficult life crises without breaking. They are self-confident and authentic. But where do they draw their strength from and where does their self-confidence come from? Read here which tips will help you develop authentic self-confidence effortlessly. 

Does my colleague come across better than me? Does she work faster? Is my friend's apartment nicer than mine? And does my sister have the better genes? Many people have asked themselves questions like these. Everyone compares themselves at some point in their lives. But comparisons rarely get us anywhere. Rather, they harm us: these destructive thoughts are a one-way street and lead to chronic frustration. The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard already knew: "Comparison is the end of happiness and the beginning of dissatisfaction."

What can help? Learning self-confidence!
The ability to be "self-aware", i.e. to recognize, accept and understand your strengths and weaknesses, is called self-confidence. This has a lot to do with your own self-image and self-worth. A self-confident person lives authentically without constantly worrying about the opinions of others. They know who they are and live in harmony with themselves. Without exalting themselves. And they have only one thing to thank for this: a firm belief in their own self.

We often look for love and recognition on the outside
"In our society, the term 'self-worth' actually means 'external value'. This is because we are assessed from an early age: teachers judge even the youngest children on whether they have been good or naughty. We try harder and harder into adulthood so that we are judged well on the outside, so that we feel loved and accepted," explains psychotherapist Doris Zöser from Mödling. "If we recognize that everyone is different and at the same time seeks basic needs such as love and belonging, then we see that people have something in common despite their fundamental differences. This can help us to rethink and begin to determine our own value and how we want to live our lives, which above all means recognizing what is good for us and what boundaries we want to maintain. In this way, we give ourselves our own value instead of making it dependent on someone else's evaluation: That is true self-confidence."

Tips for your "happy high status"

• Think of a time when you felt really good about yourself. This could be a childhood memory, a vacation or a success at work. Make a note of this memory and spend some time thinking about how you felt at that moment and write it down: What feelings did it evoke in you? Where did you feel it in your body? What expression did you have on your face? What did you notice around you?

  You can then superimpose these positive emotions over other situations. If you ever feel overwhelmed or overcome by nervousness or fear, try to transfer some of it to the current situation.

• Make it clear to yourself why your self-confidence is important to you. You should be able to say as precisely as possible why you want to be self-confident, what would you change in your life if you were more self-confident?

• What are your own strengths? Knowing these and relying on them gives you a sense of inner peace. Close friends and colleagues can help you identify your strengths.

Some people have an effortless confidence that is completely ego-free and unbiased. They know how to win others over with their work, their respectful manner, their charm and their appearance. They are often perceived as interesting and attractive. Some people seem to have been born with this ability. But anyone can learn it! Rather, it is a process of growing, recognizing and accepting. And it doesn't have to be difficult. Viv Groskop, the author of Happy High Status, explains how to act confidently in everyday situations. In her book, she gives valuable tips that are easy and relaxed to implement in everyday life.

Viv Groskop calls it a "Happy High Status" - a state in which we recognize ourselves as important and valuable without putting ourselves above others. The term "Happy High Status" was chosen because it is unfamiliar. It allows us to talk about self-confidence or charisma in an uncomplicated and relaxed way, without the negative connotations that these terms can carry, because the word "self-confidence" can be intimidating and is often seen as synonymous with a sense of entitlement.

It is not about seeing yourself as someone better, but much more about being mindful and respectful of yourself. This inner status is crucial for developing self-confidence. A mindset that already lies dormant in all of us. Happy high status is a quality that is immediately recognizable, that others take away and that is fed by deepest calm and an unmistakable self-confidence. Those who are truly confident don't just focus on themselves, but also on making others feel great. Confident people give you the feeling that anything is possible and achievable.

Der gesündeste Vergleich, der auch glücklich macht: Sich selbst als Maßstab für Wachstum und Weiterentwicklung zu nehmen. Wo waren Sie mutig, wo haben Sie die Komfortzone verlassen? Seien Sie stolz auf die kleinen und großen Hürden, die Sie im Leben schon gemeistert haben.

Unsicherheit, die aus destruktivem „Aufwärts-Vergleich“ entsteht, ruft Neid hervor. Dieser geht auf Kosten des eigenen Selbstwerts.Beim „abwärts gerichteten Vergleich“ misst man sich jedoch mit Menschen, die die gleichen Voraussetzungen haben, jedoch weniger erfolgreich sind. Das bedeutet: Wenn Sie beispielsweise im Job unzufrieden sind, vergleichen Sie sich mit jemandem, der gerade gekündigt wurde.

Wir wählen (teils unbewusst) Vorbilder aus, die Orientierung geben und von denen wir lernen können.Sie dienen als Triebfedern des eigenen Handelns und lassen die eigenen Werte und Ziele besser definieren.

Self-optimization is not the goal
However, the idea that all your problems would vanish into thin air if only you had enough self-confidence is an illusion. Because it is precisely our imperfections that make us so unique. Rather, finding your personal happy high status means adapting the situation at hand to your own needs and strengths. Staying true to yourself, even when things are going badly. After all, we don't have to be perfect to be valuable.